REAL STORIES

Age: 21
Gender: Female
Location: Littleton, Colorado

I was an extreme meth abuser for about two years when I was still just a teenager. I had all the effects happen- hallucinations, paranoia, etc etc. I was doing more and more meth than the day before, and building a quick and very high tolerance to the drug. When you start doing meth you only realize the high of it, but it's so much more than that... It is quite literally a crystal mess... You never sleep, you never eat, your mind races constantly and things begin to get scary... I was riding with my boyfriend of the time to go to another house to go smoke more meth, which we'd already been doing all day anyway- and I was already feeling unstable but of course I wanted another hit.. you always want another hit- even when you shouldn't have one. As we were driving that night, I felt like my neck was literally disappearingŠ I didn't feel right, and I felt like my brain was melting and I was losing a grip on reality, and for the first time was actually worried about "what if I've had too much and this is the first feeling on your way to an overdose?" I looked out the window and with the dark night outside, saw my reflection.... but I had no idea who I was.. LITERALLY- I couldn't put a name to my face.. I knew it was me, but I had completely forgotten my own name- I frantically looked over at my boyfriend, the driver, and had no idea who he was.. He looked familiar, but had no name either.. I fumbled through the purse at my feet, and found the wallet- tore out the I.D. and realized that it was me, and saw the name, and slowly started to remember who I was, that the man next to me was my boyfriend, remembering his name, and realizing what was going on. It was the scariest thing in my entire life, and actually the trigger for my recovery. I went home that night, or more like early morning, and made the decision that I had to be done, or it was going to kill me. I remember having to sit my mom down at the kitchen table, and explain to her that I was a meth addict and needed help. I also had to sit my older brother down and tell him the same, and ask for them to help me get clean, and that I was terrified.

It was the hardest thing I had ever done having to tell them, knowing that I had disappointed them. They took me in with open arms, and I then called my best friend who had told me when I started meth "call me when your sober." We didn't speak for those two years while I was on it, but the minute I called her, she moved in to help babysit me basically, and they all had to keep me on lockdown at the house to make sure I didn't go out trying to find it. After all the hardships of recovery, it was absolutely worth it. This April (of 2010) I will officially be 4 YEARS SOBER!!! It is quite the accomplishment and my biggest one yet. The feeling of knowing how bad it was, to how good it is without it is amazing! It really is true that there is no "just trying meth once", it will literally take you over the first time, it's just a lot harder to get out of it than it is to never start at all.

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